It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
