i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
