My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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