: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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