For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
