This house was built for laser tag.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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