Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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