...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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