So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
