I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
