highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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