she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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