Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
