I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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