Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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