So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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