Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
