Say something about gay babies.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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