Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
