I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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