After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
