im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
