She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize