Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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