My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
