well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
