Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
