Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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