Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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