did you get engaged???
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
