Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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