Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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