why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
