I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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