Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
