Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
