There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
