So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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