Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
