The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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