So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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