So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
