I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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