One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
