At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
