I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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