I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
