so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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