Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
