hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
