the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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