If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
