And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
