One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize