he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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