I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
