i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
