I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
