So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize