I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
