I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize