I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
