I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
