She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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