why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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