Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
