i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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