my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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