now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
