Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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