She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I deserve this hangover.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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