3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My hand turned me down
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
