My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize