i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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