is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
