Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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