Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
