how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
