whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
