so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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