you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
