So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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