nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize