First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
