For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
