I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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