I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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