im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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