At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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