A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
