So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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