yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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