Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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