I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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