Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
