You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize