How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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