Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
