Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize