My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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