We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
