if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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