Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
